Your definition of friendship may change during your lifetime, but its value won’t. True friends have fun together, even when they’re doing nothing special. They communicate without talking and seem close despite living miles apart. True friends take time to listen to your problem when you’re having a terrible day and help you find the sun on a stormy day. True friends are a source of honest feedback and continuous support. They watch your back, preserve your innermost secrets, and lend you a shoulder when things go south — they even know when you need your space.

True friends tell you the truth — even when it hurts — and they put up with you when you’re in a miserable mood. Since true friends know you better than you do, they know when you can, even when you think you can’t. And although they’ll help make you a better person, true friends won’t keep score. You can always be yourself around your true friends. They accept you for who you are rather than for who they want you to be. And, that’s because a true friend cares about your happiness and loves you unconditionally. As Elbert Hubbard said, “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.”

Stages of Friendship

There are several different stages of a friendship — beginning with casual acquaintance, then meaningful relationship, and finally, lasting friendship. While social media helps us keep in touch with our casual acquaintances, meaningful relationships require something more, while lasting friendships demand still greater personal commitment.

How to Build a Lasting Friendship

The Defining Characteristics of a Friend

Casual acquaintance You probably have a lot of casual acquaintances. You meet them at parties, go to school with them, or live in their neighborhood. You may know their names or recognize their faces. Yet, although you enjoy their company, none of you have invested enough of yourselves to develop meaningful relationships.

As you form a relationship with a casual acquaintance, you may size up him or her to see if that person is fun, positive, accepting, considerate, tolerant, respectful, and ethical. And, if you share common interests and stick with it, both of you may make a commitment that takes the friendship to the next level.

Meaningful relationship In this stage, people gradually commit to a friendship by making small gestures and gauging the other’s response to these gestures. As the friendship develops, each person becomes more invested in and committed to the other and to the relationship.

In the process of developing a meaningful relationship, people look for a friend who is trustworthy, open, honest, thoughtful, fair, giving, dependable, sincere, loyal, forgiving, sharing, supportive, and committed. In addition, they would also expect this friend to possess all the fundamental qualities found in a casual acquaintance.

When consistent behavior is exhibited over time, people become comfortable that their friend’s actions are authentic — and the relationship becomes predictable. This is the start of a lasting friendship, in which authenticity, communication, selflessness, personal growth, and faith thrive.

Lasting friendship Lasting friendships don’t happen by chance; they bloom because friends care as much (or more) about their friend’s happiness as they do their own. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.”

The qualities that lead to deeper, lasting friendships are:

Authenticity You can always “be yourself” around your friend. There are no games, and there is no need to measure your words or actions. You are accepted and appreciated for being you.

Communication Your relationship is open and honest. You always tell the truth — even if it hurts. You feel comfortable sharing your life and innermost secrets with your friend. Your friend, in turn, listens with a caring ear and provides you with feedback if you so desire.

Selflessness Your friend wants what’s best for you. Period. There’s give-and-take in any healthy relationship. There’s no need to keep score. You gain considerable pleasure by witnessing your friend’s happiness and success.

Personal growth Your friend brings out the best in you and helps to make you a better person.

Faith Your friend has your back in good times and bad. You have so much trust and confidence in the relationship that you never have reason to question your friend’s motives. As someone once said, “Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know that they’re always there.”

Friends for Life

Are you a good friend? Let’s look at some of the telltale signs. A true friend takes action before a request is made; she volunteers to be the designated driver on New Year’s Eve; he helps himself to a beer rather than wanting to be “waited on”; she doesn’t take the picture because she’s expected to be included in the family photo; he doesn’t leave the party with the crowd but instead, stays to clean up the mess; she hears what you said, but also hears what you didn’t say; when he is awakened by your call, he still says he’s so glad to hear from you; she throws you a celebration party even though you beat her out for the promotion; he knows it’s only an argument and not the end of the friendship; she loses more sleep over your problems than over her own; he knows you’d give him the shirt off your back, although he’d never ask; she gives you the bigger piece of cake, even if it’s chocolate.

Being a friend involves so much more than doing a favor for someone or having an occasional chat on social media. It means more than sharing a sandwich or an occasional smile. Friends are people who share one another’s dreams, open their hearts, and complete one another’s life. As Muhammad Ali once said, “Friendship . . . is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”

Additional Reading:
The Values on Which Trust Rests
Relationships: A Marriage Made in Heaven
May I Have a Word with You
Ways to Say You Care

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The average person lives approximately 25,000 days. How will you spend yours?

Additional Reading:
What’s the Rush?
Make Time: There’s No Dress Rehearsal in Life
Living Life With a Purpose
50 Things Money Can’t Buy

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The average person lives approximately 25,000 days. How will you spend yours? . . . It’s a New Day.

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Why do people say one thing and do another? Why do they make promises one second only to break them minutes later? Why do people say they care when it’s so obvious they couldn’t care less?

Can’t they see the potential damage to their credibility? Why would they torpedo a relationship that’s taken them a lifetime to build? Don’t they realize they’re undermining their chances for success? The next time they say something, people may doubt what they say or second-guess their intentions –– simply because they’re no longer trusted. No one’s going to stand up and shout, “You just lost my trust and respect!” but the silence will be deafening

Some people may say it’s not a big deal; everyone does it; no one’s watching anyway; people don’t really care. Well, I’m here to tell you they’re sadly mistaken!

Let’s face it, you send a message with what you say AND what you do. If words aren’t supported with consistent actions, they will ring hollow. Someone once said, “Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold –– but so does a hard-boiled egg.”

Here are some examples of folks who live by the philosophy, “Do As I Say, Not As I Do.”

All Talk, No Action

The emperor is all talk, no action. Like the emperor’s new clothes, everything is centered on the show rather than substance. He talks a good game, but don’t expect any action or follow-up from this empty suit.

The politician will say anything to win your vote of confidence; this person is great with words but don’t ask for accountability. Once this opportunist gets what she wants, she’s nowhere to be found.

The hypocrites are so full of @#%^*?! that even they don’t believe what they are saying. Forget action on their part. They have a hard enough time keeping their own stories straight.

The drifters have no backbone. They make statements one minute and change their positions the next. If it seems that these folks are confused or evasive, it’s because they are.

The professor speaks eloquently about theory, but that’s where it ends. Action? That thought never crossed her mind. Friedrich Engels had it right when he said, “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.”

The zombie is so oblivious to reality he doesn’t even realize that his words are out of step with his actions. It only takes someone else to shine a bright light on this fellow to expose his insincerity.

Actions Matter: Do As I Do, Not As I Say

Whether you’re a leader motivating the “troops,” a role model influencing your “fans,” or a parent showing that you care, it’s critical to send straightforward messages. If your words aren’t consistent with your actions, you’re not only confusing the listener, you may also be causing irreparable damage to your own credibility.

Your reputation reflects the words AND actions that you send during the life of a relationship. In the early stages of a relationship, we extend ourselves in small ways and observe responses to our actions. Then we take appropriate action, engaging further or withdrawing a bit each time, until a level of trust is formed. Once we get to know someone, we look for regular and consistent patterns of behavior because the more predictable people are, the more comfort we have with them.

We ask ourselves: “Do they feel strongly about their beliefs one day and abandon them the next?” “Do they expect others to live by one set of rules while they live by another?” “Do they make promises only to break them?”

When you “walk the talk,” your behavior becomes a catalyst for people’s trust and faith in you. And it also emphasizes what you stand for.

The bottom line is simply this: Trust is not guaranteed, and it can’t be won overnight. Trust must be carefully developed, vigorously nurtured, and constantly reinforced. And, although trust may take a long time to develop, it can be lost through a single action –– once lost, it can be very difficult to re-establish.

So, any time you make a claim, no matter how small, and display inconsistent behavior, you shatter the comfort zone –– and weaken your bond of trust with others. As a result, anything thought to be predictable in the future may be treated as suspect. The fact is, everything you do in life sends a message. So, make sure to practice what you preach. As Ben Franklin said, “Well done is better than well said.”

Additional Reading:
Reputation: You Can’t Run from Your Shadow
Counterfeit Leadership
How to Create a Foundation of Trust

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What are your family values?

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When It Comes to Charity, Some People Stop at Nothing

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It’s important for you to believe in yourself, stand up for the principles that you hold dear, and see the world for what it really is, not what you want it to be. Don’t be afraid to embrace change, confront uncertainty, and face the unknown. For these things are ways of life. Make sure to be bold, follow your heart, and dream BIG. As Walt Disney once said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”

People with courage possess ten shared characteristics. They should remain as guideposts in your journey through life:

Self-confidence. Courageous people believe in themselves. They know who they are and what they stand for. They have strong values, recognize their personal capabilities, and are confident in meeting the challenges that lie before them. Courageous people are passionate and purposeful. You can sense courageous people when they walk into a room –– they have a bounce in their step, maintain a positive outlook, and are comfortable in their own skin.

Conviction. You always know where courageous people stand. They’re passionate about their beliefs and values and have consistent and predictable behavior. They don’t blindly follow the crowd, waffle in the face of adversity, or change their opinion unless the change is supported by a strong, factual case.

Integrity. Courageous people know the difference between right and wrong. They don’t just talk about honor; they live it every day by following the letter, as well as the spirit, of the law. They are trustworthy, objective, fair, and tolerant, and they stand up against injustice –– backing their words with action.

Leadership. Courageous people aren’t deterred by adversity or afraid of what people may think of them. Courageous leaders motivate people with personal charisma, expertise, integrity, and respect rather than by using their position or authority as a crutch. Courageous people are tough, but fair. While they may ask others to achieve the “impossible,” they ask of others only what they’re willing to do themselves.

Compassion. Courageous people put other people’s needs ahead of their own. They know that the Captain must go down with the ship and that being selfless helps to gain the respect of friends and colleagues.

Objectivity. Courageous people understand the importance of trust, honesty, and full disclosure while confronting people who hide behind untruths. They believe that people are willing to make tough decisions if the options are presented to them in an open, honest, and objective manner. They also believe that people should admit their mistakes, learn from them, and move on rather than waste precious time playing politics.

Adversity. Courageous people aren’t afraid of swimming against the tide or challenging the status quo. They stare adversity in the eye — running toward the problem rather than away from it. They know that saying “no” to one idea may enable them to say “yes” to another, and that old ways of doing things shouldn’t stand in the way of a better solution.

Change Masters. Courageous people step outside their comfort zone to meet the challenges that lie ahead. They know that change is part of life and that some of the greatest advances have been realized by embracing change.

Embrace the Unknown. Courageous people follow their intuition. If information required to make a good decision isn’t available, they follow their instincts.

Action. Courageous people put their money where their mouth is. They know that it’s not enough to talk about doing something –– instead, they act.

The Badge of Courage

Some folks are afraid to take the risk of sharing their opinions or sticking out their neck for fear of getting it “chopped off.” They think: “What if I’m wrong?” “What if it fails?” “What will others think of me?” So they spend their life playing it safe and trying to make themselves invisible.

These same folks are silent even though they have the best answer; they let opportunities slip through their fingertips even when they look promising; they see other people pass them by in the fast lane of life even though those people are less deserving. The truth is, they’re so afraid of failing that they don’t try at all — and consequently, they fail.

You have what it takes to be successful. So believe in yourself and your abilities or you’ll never know what you’re really capable of achieving. As Aristotle said, “You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.”

Don’t be afraid to put yourself on the line if you want the rewards that life has to offer. That means, like in baseball, it’s better to go down swinging than to be called out on strikes. Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Now you have everything it takes to be a winner. So go for it! Remember — no guts, no glory.

Additional Reading:
Don’t Quit: Make Winning a Habit
The Winner’s Edge
The Power of a Positive Attitude

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There's More to Life Than Increasing Its Speed

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If You Believe in Your Employees, They'll Believe in Themselves

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Paradise: Values to Live By. These are a series of quotes to help you live a more rewarding life.

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If the story ended here, you might be jealous. BUT, then it happened . . . Phil’s parents thought they could double the size of their business by buying a competitor. While the transaction looked great on paper, in reality it had some serious shortcomings. And, before you could blink an eye, their entire business was on life support. Unfortunately, Phil’s family lost everything. Phil thought he had it “made,” but life as he knew it was gone forever.

Poor Phil. He was so ill prepared to face the “real world.” While Phil thought he had the world by the tail, he was never prepared to earn the rewards himself. Unfortunately, this is a sad story without a storybook ending.

The motto of this story is that “Helping people with too much kindness only makes them helpless.”

This story is only a fairy tale, but it’s happening in real life every day.

Dependency: Helping People Become Helpless

Nonsensical no-bids. Some organizations offer sole-source contracts to a company rather than requiring a fair and competitive bidding process. This makes the supplier complacent and dependent, over time, never having had to win the business.

Guaranteed gratuities. Restaurant servers receive a 10% – 20% tip, regardless of the service they provide. This teaches servers that halfhearted work still gets a reward. So why try harder? Their complacency ultimately hurts the restaurant because a superior customer experience is built on the establishment’s ambiance, food, and service.

Automatic rewards. Annual bonuses are sometimes based on employee tenure or “just showing up” rather than on merit. If high performers receive the same performance reviews and compensation that mediocre employees receive, then we shouldn’t be surprised by complacency and apathy.

Gifts of graduation. Students are promoted to the next grade level regardless of whether they’ve met the minimum requirements. This “easy path” through school is sure to catch up with the students one day.

“Yes” — the most common cop-out. When we say “yes” to kids merely to placate them, or avoid a scene in public, they never learn the difference between right and wrong. Saying “no” to your children, when appropriate, is an act of love.

Unqualified quotas. If opportunity is provided to an individual based on special quotas rather than on his or her true qualifications, will this person use quotas as a crutch throughout life? This will certainly lead to a life of dependency.

Questionable quid pro quos. Special favors doled out through nepotism or a quid pro quo rather than through earning a seat at the table have a real downside. Although these recipients may make it to the front of line, the question remains whether they’re up to the job.

Mediocre meritocracy. Some organizations fail to counsel mediocre performers. Mistakes ultimately become poor habits. Allowing employees to “get by” in this way helps neither the employees nor the organization.

Emotional excuses. Often, appeals are issued that encourage people to buy from a specific source (i.e., “buy American,” buy union shop, buy local), regardless of the value offered. This may kill the incentive to be more competitive, only postponing the day of reckoning when value triumphs (as it commonly does).

Empty entitlements. Providing government services, in some cases for generations, rather than helping people to provide for themselves is a sure path to dependency and helplessness.

Sometimes, well-intentioned plans have unintended consequences. We impose a mandatory gratuity so that the server doesn’t get stiffed; we steer people to buy “Made in USA” because we’re patriotic; we let the mediocre employees “skate” because they’re the breadwinners for their families; we say “yes” to our kids because, you know, we’re their parents and we want them to be happy. Even though our efforts may help the recipients in the short term, we are making them dependent on our good graces, rather than preparing them to accept personal responsibility for their future.

Dependency: People Are Not Helpless Until We Make Them So

When you look for synonyms for the word “dependency” in the dictionary, you’ll find “addiction, habit and enslavement.” When we encourage people to become completely dependent on the goodness of others for their livelihoods or achievements — when we reward people for a lack of effort and personal initiative — we strip them of their confidence, trample on their dignity, and kill their will to improve themselves. Dependency purges people of their dreams, makes their spirit atrophy, and enslaves them to a lifetime of mediocrity.

We are compassionate people. We should make every effort to help the downtrodden get back on their feet, but we shouldn’t absolve them of their personal responsibility to secure a better future for themselves and their families. As Paul Ryan once said, “We don’t want to turn the safety net into a hammock that lulls able-bodied people into complacency and dependence.” Phil T. Rich had the world handed to him, but when the silver platter was removed, he was unable to survive on his own.

Compassion shouldn’t be measured by the size of a handout, but by our ability to provide opportunity to reduce dependency, enabling people to become self-sufficient and helping them to realize their dreams. We must invest in people by instilling strong values, a world-class education, and a powerful work ethic needed to succeed. Success also requires powerful incentives to those who make progress — and “tough love” to those who fail to make the effort. When we offer a handout, we may satisfy someone’s body and soul for an instant, but when we invest in people, our action may benefit them for a lifetime. Bill Clinton said it well, “We cannot build our own future without helping others to build theirs.”

Thoughts? Please provide your comments below.

Additional Reading:
Earning Success the Old-fashioned Way
The Buck Stops with You
The Most Important Lesson in Life

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Trust — or lack of it — is inherent in every action that we take and affects everything that we do. Trust is the cement that binds relationships, keeping spouses together, business deals intact, and political systems stable. Understanding the meaning of trust allows you to work toward being a trusted and trusting person.

Building trusting relationships is a process that can best be described as stacking layers on a foundation one at a time in such a way that each layer bonds on top of the prior one before another layer is added. This model is described in Winning Trust: A Step-By-Step Guide. The fourth stage is a point at which actions are so predictable that we don’t consciously have to think about building the relationship.

Fourth Stage of Trust: From Predictability to Faith

Faith enables you to go beyond facts and still feel secure about another person or even an organization. Faith is often a result of someone motivated by unselfish reasons caring about your interests above their own. It’s a result of people responding supportively. It’s a result of empathy, of someone showing concern. It’s knowing that someone would never try to hurt you, take advantage of you in a pinch, or criticize you in front of others. It’s knowing that your organization will support you, be available if you need them, coach you, encourage your ideas, and take an interest in your career and in your life.

Faith is strengthened when you put customers’ interests in front of your own, not only meeting, but exceeding their expectations. It’s strengthened when an organization is clearly more interested in helping prospective clients resolve their business issues than in selling them additional products. It’s strengthened when you keep clients informed about new developments that may affect their organization even though the work that you performed has been completed.

Remember, trust is as much in need as the air that we breathe or the water that we drink. Although trust takes a long time to develop, it can be destroyed by a single action. In our complex society, contracts are needed to formalize arrangements, but they should not substitute for honorable relationships. We lose something very tangible when we abandon such intangibles as loyalty, trust, and honor.

Additional Reading:
Winning Trust: A Step-By-Step Guide
How to Create a Foundation of Trust
The Values on Which Trust Rests
Trust Me

Thanks for reading. As always, comments and sharing are appreciated.

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Trust must be carefully constructed, vigorously nurtured, and constantly reinforced. Trust is established over time, gradually, through a long chain of successful experiences.

Building trusting relationships is a process that can best be described as stacking layers on a foundation one at a time in such a way that each layer bonds on top of the prior one before another layer is added. This model is described in Winning Trust: A Step-By-Step Guide.

The second stage represents values that lead to trusting relationships, such as integrity, reliability and openness. Once these characteristics are demonstrated, they form the support structure of a trusting relationship.

Second Stage of Trust: The Support Structure

At the start of any relationship, people consciously or unconsciously examine actions rather than words to measure trustworthiness. As time goes by, the more that values such as integrity, fairness, and reliability are evident, the more people learn to trust one another. The more such qualities are recognized, the deeper the trust and, as long as nothing happens to change those first impressions, the stronger the relationship grows.

Integrity. There are a number of questions you ask yourself when assessing someone’s integrity. Do they have a good value system? Are they honest, straightforward, and nonmanipulative? Do they tell the truth and keep their promises even if circumstances have changed since they gave their word? Do they avoid even the appearance of impropriety, and are they aware that the company they keep can be a reflection on their own integrity? Do they pay as much attention to the spirit of the law as they do to the letter of the law?

The same questions apply to organizations. Do they stand behind their products? How do they treat their employees and vendors? Are they good corporate citizens? Do they satisfy their commitments?

Doing the right thing. Another characteristic we look for when building relationships is whether people or organizations do the right thing not because they’re afraid of being caught, but because it’s the right thing to do. Do employees do what is politically expedient and beneficial for themselves or what is in the best interests of their companies, their clients, or their colleagues? Do they exaggerate claims to win the sale, or do they present the pitfalls as well as the benefits?

One good way to look at this is to follow the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Doing the right thing may include giving of yourself, without any expectation of personal gain, or exceeding client expectations even if there isn’t any opportunity for additional business. It may mean addressing a problem before it becomes public and you are asked to correct it—even if it represents significant financial exposure.

People who always want to do the “right thing” sometimes face difficult decisions. For example, how much are they willing to tell a prospective client about their misgivings about their own product? Is holding back the truth to protect another individual doing the right thing? There is no set answer to these questions. Everyone has to draw the line for themselves.

Strength of conviction. Another set of questions to ask yourself when determining trustworthiness is: How ethical are the people or organizations I’m dealing with? Do they have strong values? Do they stand up for what they believe in? Are they afraid to present their opinions to upper management? Do they feel comfortable breaking bad news when it is necessary to do so?

Basically, strength of conviction translates into standing up for the things that you believe in. This may include telling clients what they really need to hear instead of what you think they want to hear. Although they may disagree with you or even fault you for challenging them at the moment, they will respect you for speaking your mind and not being a “yes” person. It may include requesting from your organization the resources that you need to properly serve your clients. It may also include not selling or recommending products or services that are not in a prospect’s best interests, even if you are under pressure to increase sales.

Confidence. It is important to determine whether the people you build relationships with are comfortable enough to admit their faults and errors. Ask yourself: Do they always have to be right? Do they listen to suggestions? Are they afraid to admit mistakes? If they cause a problem, do they try to find a way to fix it, or do they look for people to blame?

Safety. When deciding whether to put your trust in someone, you try to discover if they are calm, patient, and logical. You ask yourself whether they have a lot of emotional highs and lows. When conflicts arise, do they act in a caring and responsible fashion? Do they resolve problems and make decisions on the basis of logic, or do they make emotional judgments based on bias, residual anger, or desire to avenge the past?

Companies can demonstrate that they are safe by the strength of their balance sheets, by the length of time that they have been in business, and by their history as a forward-looking organization. Spending on research and development and remaining at the cutting edge over a long period send a strong signal to the marketplace. It’s comforting to know that companies that invest in research and development will continue to enhance their current technology, develop new products and services, and be there to serve your needs in the future.

Companies can also demonstrate safety by such diverse factors as the level of employee turnover (a sign of good management and employee satisfaction); whether products have been abandoned in the past, leaving customers out in the cold; or the level of their sales support and the quality of their marketing materials.

Competence. Trust is increased when an individual is believed to be competent. An advanced degree, an affiliation with a well-respected organization or an organization with a reputation for its thorough training, and professional status, all enhance the trustworthiness of an individual to some degree. These are indicators of a limited amount of competence, but they don’t guarantee competence. Salespeople can increase their level of trust by demonstrating their familiarity with a product, their ability to address product questions, their prior experience in resolving a client issue, and their in-depth knowledge of the prospect’s industry—but nothing is as useful in building trust as satisfactory work.

Organizations that have strong recruiting and education programs have greater trust levels. When organizations are known for aggressive hiring practices and solid training, rather than for throwing employees in the water and watching them swim, trust is enhanced. When employees know that their peers are well trained, they know they can depend on them, that they will receive high-quality information, and that they do not have to fend for themselves.

Fairness. Peter Drucker has said, “The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say ‘I.’ And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say ‘I.’ They don’t think ‘I.’ They think ‘we’; they think ‘team.’ They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but ‘we’ gets the credit. . . . This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.”

How much we trust other people or organizations often has a lot to do with our perception of their fairness; in other words, the belief we have in their objectivity, their lack of prejudice, their impartiality. Are they objective? Do they show bias or favoritism? Do they present both sides of an issue or spin the issue to their advantage? Are they open-minded and willing to listen to new ideas? Do they give everyone the time of day, or are their minds already made up? Do they give credit where credit is due, or do they accept credit for other people’s efforts? Do they have reasonable expectations? Do they know when someone tried to do their best and praise them for their efforts, or do they reprimand them for failure to perform? In the face of disagreement, do they respect the opinions of others or do they attack them, embarrassing, reprimanding, or humiliating them in front of others?

Organizations have demonstrated their fairness by such actions as taking back merchandise with no questions asked or promising that if you find the same merchandise for less money, in 90 days, and can present proof, they’ll pay you the difference.

Reliability. Another quality we look for when deciding whether or not to trust a person or an organization is reliability. We ask such questions as: Are they dependable? Do they follow through on promises made? If you ask for something, can you consider it done? Are they careful not to overstate what they will do? Do they know that even a perceived promise places their honor on the line? Do they exaggerate sales claims or set impossible expectations? Even though a company may have little direct control over the outcome, a promise made can result in a promise broken. Be wary of promises such as these: the product will be fixed by Tuesday; the service person will be there in an hour; you can expect at least an 8 percent return on your investment; even though I haven’t had a chance to look at your tax return, you’ll probably get the same refund as last year; take this medicine and you’ll feel better in an hour; the product never breaks down the first year.

Organizations can demonstrate their reliability by showing that their interest lies more in building long-term customer relationships than in selling a product; they can enhance your satisfaction by ensuring that the owner’s manual is clear, that the service force is well trained, that critical parts are not back-ordered, and that customer complaints are handled promptly.

Openness. Openness in relationships is built upon some existing level of trust. You feel comfortable confiding in people, knowing they would never breach your confidence or use the information against you at a later date. If they respond to that openness as expected, trust is enhanced and intimacy and honesty grow.

Secretiveness. The opposite of openness is secretiveness, and it has the opposite effects. Organizations that deliberately build barriers between themselves and their employees or their clients will never develop relationships based on mutual trust. It does not matter whether secrecy is demonstrated by isolating top management from employees, building barbed wire around the boss’s office, using one-way communication (top-down), or distancing management from clients by hiding them in an ivory tower.

Communication. Communication is viewed as an essential quality that creates high-trust organizations. Lack of communication is particularly harmful when relevant information is withheld in order to maintain control or gain personal advantage.

Organizations lack trust if employees have to weigh and measure everything they hear––if they can’t trust the information that is given them. In organizations marked by trust, employees don’t ask themselves: Am I being kept informed? Will they inform me of a decision that may affect me or let me find out by chance? If they are unwilling or unable to live up to a client promise, will they let me know in a timely fashion so that I can inform my clients? Would they intentionally try to misrepresent what I said? Do they tell everyone the same story? Managers display trust when they openly communicate with their employees and reveal information that they don’t have to.

The opposite of open communication occurs in organizations marked by low levels of trust. According to Dale E. Zand, in such organizations, managers who do “not trust others will conceal or distort relevant information . . . withhold facts, disguise ideas, and conceal conclusions. [Such managers] will hide feelings that increase exposure to others. As a result, [such managers] provide incomplete, untimely information that inaccurately portrays reality.”

These, however, are all problems that can be avoided through the careful use of communication. Effective communication can also have a great impact on trust levels with clients. For example, trust is increased when clients are given advance notice of bad news so that expectations are controlled, when the downside of a product is presented along with its benefits, and when the competition is treated objectively without being denigrated.

In our next post, we’ll hone in on the third stage: “How to Earn Someone’s Faith.”

Thanks for reading. As always, comments and sharing are appreciated.

Additional Reading:
Winning Trust: A Step-By-Step Guide
How to Create a Foundation of Trust
Trust: How to Earn Someone’s Faith
Trust Me

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They should help the needy. Not me.

They should take a pay cut. Not me.

They should compromise. Not me.

They should listen more. Not me.

They should walk their talk. Not me.

They should pay more taxes. Not me.

They should wait their turn. Not me.

They should clean up after themselves. Not me.

They should finish what they start. Not me.

They should watch their kids. Not me.

They should play fair. Not me.

They should change their attitude. Not me.

They should save more. Not me.

They should contribute their fair share. Not me.

They should say they’re sorry. Not me.

They should watch their temper. Not me.

They should be more objective. Not me.

They should keep in contact. Not me.

They should do their job. Not me.

They should think before they speak. Not me.

They should forgive and forget. Not me.

They should be more considerate. Not me.

They should treat others with respect. Not me.

They should get their act together. Not me.

They should take better care of themselves. Not me.

They should watch their language. Not me.

They should be better role models. Not me.

They should be more open minded. Not me.

They should put up or shut up. Not me.

They should think long term. Not me.

They should pay their dues. Not me.

They should take one for the team. Not me.

Not me?

Why not?

What do you think? Please leave your comments below!

Additional Reading:
The Poisoning of Our Minds
Hey, It’s Your Conscience Talking

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Trust is never guaranteed, and it can’t be won overnight. Trust must be carefully constructed, vigorously nurtured, and constantly reinforced. Trust is established over time, gradually, through a long chain of successful experiences.

Building trusting relationships is a process that can best be described as stacking layers on a foundation one at a time in such a way that each layer bonds on top of the prior one before another layer is added. This model is described in Winning Trust: A Step-By-Step Guide.

First Stage of Trust: The Foundation

The past is often the best indicator of the future; we all look for precedents as a key to anticipating behavior. We want to know how someone acted in the past when faced with a similar situation. Last time I confided in her, was she able to keep a secret? Last time he promised he would deliver it on time, did he keep his word? Last time I loaned him money, was it paid back? Last time they sold me a product, did they stand behind it? Last time there was a downturn in the economy, how were employees treated? Last time we presented an idea to management, who took the credit for it? Last time there was a problem in the department, did management support us or look for a scapegoat? Last time we faced tough times, did management stand behind its people or fend for themselves?

Whether you are an organization trying to gain trust in the marketplace or a salesperson trying to gain the trust of a consumer, keep in mind that trust is not won instantly; instead, it is earned by consistent actions repeated over time. Similarly, organizations become trustworthy by repeating their actions over the years. Organizations that institutionalize the value and importance of lifelong customer relationships over immediate sales transactions know that winning an immediate sale is not as important as exceeding customer expectations over time. They know that signing a sales agreement is not the end of the sales process, but the beginning of the next sale. They know that the minute a purchase is made, and the consumer has placed trust in their organization, they must work hard to maintain that trust.

Reputation. The most tangible form of history is reputation. An individual’s or organization’s reputation is often a key to their probable behavior toward a friend, a client, or an employee; it indicates how they might treat others both now and in the future. That’s why, before we enter into a relationship, we ask ourselves if the person or organization is known to be a trustworthy individual or a good corporate citizen. It’s why we want to know how they have treated others when the chips were down or when they were backed into a corner.

Organizations that emphasize long, trusting relationships are rewarded in numerous ways. First, there is potential repeat business. Loyal customers may even look for other available products from your company. And once their trust in your organization grows, they may reward you by making larger purchases. Finally, long-term relationships encourage satisfied clients to tell their friends or colleagues about the great products and service that they are receiving from you.

In our next post, we’ll hone in on the second stage: “The Values on Which Trust Rests.”

Additional Reading:
Winning Trust: A Step-By-Step Guide
The Values on Which Trust Rests
Trust: How to Earn Someone’s Faith
Trust Me

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