One of the first things we learn as children is the difference between right and wrong (the punishment being the time-out chair). Yet as we grow up, we too easily forget the simple lessons that we learned in kindergarten, and the line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior gets blurred. This contributes to a decline in moral ethics and values.
This lack of ethical clarity — our inability to maintain rigorous standards of right and wrong — is not only confusing, it also erodes trust, damages relationships, destroys moral leadership, and weakens the fabric of our society. It’s time to put an end to ethics as usual and restore our standards of decency and trust.
What’s Behind the Precipitous Decline In Morals and Ethics?
Do as I say. While politicians create laws, many ignore them; while bosses create the rules, many subvert them; and while parents teach children values, many breach them. How can rules be taken seriously when the creators of the standards don’t embrace the values they espouse?
To whom do the rules apply? The sad truth is that ethical standards are not applied equally. Athletes, actors, rock stars, politicians, and corporate chieftains serve as “role models” for our children. While we may find it entertaining when some of these people adopt “wild” lifestyles, we are appalled when our kids mimic their behavior.
We pay top dollar to attend concerts and sporting events headlining people routinely accused of drug possession, marital infidelity, inexplicable language, and driving while intoxicated, yet society hails them for their performance while excusing their actions. Would you be judged the same way if you committed these offenses?
At the same time, we continue to support politicians who come up short on ethical probes, tax audits, or standards of human decency. Yet as citizens, we get the book thrown at us if we neglect to pay a parking ticket on time. George Orwell got it right in Animal Farm when he wrote, “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.” The fact is, we send mixed messages when some people are reprimanded for their actions, while the privileged few either buy their way out of a punishment or get off with a mere slap on the wrist.
The finish line keeps moving. How can we be expected to abide by a moral code of conduct when actions are inappropriate one day and appropriate the next? I clearly remember a time when foul language on TV set off alarm bells, yet over the years, it has become commonplace. Furthermore, even though we’ve learned that it’s wrong to tell a lie, some “role models” believe that nuances such as a “white lie,” exaggeration, or “spinning the truth” don’t count.
The problem is that most of these infractions don’t attract sufficient attention. Over time, however, the cumulative effect of these transgressions is significant — and the bar is lowered as a result.
Just don’t get caught. Some people believe that an indiscretion is allowed as long as you don’t get caught. When we try to evade individual responsibility by outsourcing our conscience to bureaucrats and pundits, our conscience begins to atrophy.
You’re Either Part of the Problem or Part of the Solution.
Being a role model carries responsibility. If you’re a teacher, clergyman, actor, executive, athlete, politician, or parent, people look up to you as a role model and imitate your behavior. Are you proud of the signals that you’re sending? If not, it’s time to get your act together! No one is asking you to be a saint, but living a life of commendable ethics and values is a good place to start.
Enough is enough. Where’s your outrage? (Yes, you!) It’s time that we stop excusing the unacceptable behavior of people masquerading as role models and expose them for what they really are –– ethical derelicts. When people are held accountable for the wake of destruction they cause through ethical negligence, they’ll have a choice…change their ways or face the consequences.
Stop looking the other way. Every person can make a difference by shining the spotlight on inappropriate behavior. In fact, according to psychological research, one person’s opinion can sway the views of an entire group. The rationale is simple: People assume that if a lot of people do something, it must be “okay.” That’s because the autopilot switch in all of us instructs us to follow the crowd. It’s well known that a herd mentality works best when a group is isolated from all external factors so that its members can’t be influenced. (Think Jim Jones.) All it takes is one person to question the logic (in the company of others), and the entire group may begin to question the logic. Remember, if we don’t expose the group’s unacceptable behavior, we are condoning its actions.
Actions have consequences. If we don’t hold people accountable for their behavior, we are creating a slippery slope. Understandably, it’s difficult when the newly elected politician, most valuable player on the team, award-winning performer, or most-productive employee turns around and discredits the organization with his or her actions. We shouldn’t have rules for one person and a different set for others. When we bend the rules and make “exceptions,” norms shift and poor behavior can be viewed as acceptable.
Leaders must start leading. Leaders must live up to the definition of the term “leader.” They must serve not only as positive role models themselves but must hold their colleagues accountable for their actions. The fact is, if a member of the organization commits an egregious act, it is a reflection on the violator and the organization the violator represents, as well as on the leader. If the leader defends an ethical deviant, turns a blind eye to the action, or sweeps the act under the rug, the behavior is condoned. This sends a signal to others that ethical standards are not priorities, and that short-term performance is more important than the reputation of the organization.
Your character matters most when nobody’s looking. I long for the day when honor has meaning. In this world, most people do the right thing because they know that what goes around comes around. And if it doesn’t, they know they’ll get paid back in karma points.
In the new world I envision, people follow the spirit as well as the letter of the law. This is a world in which shaking someone’s hand is as good as a contract and where one’s reputation is a valued asset. This is a world in which people go to great lengths to protect their family name, and leaders see their first responsibility as strengthening the trust and credibility of their institutions. In this world, people do the right thing not only because it’s considered acceptable behavior, but because they know every action affects another action. In this world, people won’t be policed by bureaucracies because everyone will see it as their duty to call out unacceptable behavior — ethical derelicts will be disgraced and shunned for their misdeeds. In this world, people are accountable to a higher power — themselves — letting their own conscience be their guide.
Do You Agree There’s a Decline in Our Morals and Ethics?
Additional Reading:
Are Role Models Becoming Extinct?
Dream No Small Dreams
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Hi Frank,
Your post is a portrait and a map of a utopia and what is truly possible if people embrace the hard work to achieve a better place.
When you wrote about “the spirit of the law”, you took me back to my dad’s focus at the dinner table. He was a lawyer and we grew up hearing these types of discussions.
Great post — rang true to me in diverse ways.
Thanks…
Kate Nasser
http://katenasser.com/articles (Smart SenseAbilities blog)
Amen, Brother Sonnenberg, amen. A lot of people talk the talk, but very few are like you and walk the walk too.
Frank – this is such an important topic!
When we as ADULTS make better choices our kids and those in our immediate and extended circles of influence will make great choices when it comes to ethics and all great things in life!
Thanks for the reminder to take the high road!
Sarah Cook
http://RaisingCEOKids.com
Frank, your new utopia (as Kate Nasser describes it) is not really some far-out dream. It’s quite attainable if we had the collective conscience to adjust our tolerance to these ethical derelicts. Maybe we could start with a small boutique near Hollywood?
“This is a world in which shaking someone’s hand is as good as a contract and where one’s reputation is a valued asset.” If we truly held those accountable that went back on their word alone, the ‘repo man’ in this utopia would surely have his hands full. If defaulting on credit loses your house, car or boat – then defaulting on a promise or verbal contract, tarnishing your honor and reputation should cost you much more than just your shirt!
Kate / Tom/ Sarah/ Marc
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
Kate, you’re very lucky that you were raised in a family where your Dad shared these thoughts at the dinner table. Just think what a world we would have if all parents followed his lead.
Tom, I’m honored to call you my friend. I’m so glad that we’ve reconnected after all of these years.
Sarah, being a positive role model is so important. It’s so easy to forget that our kids follow in our footsteps.
Marc, you’re right on point. The way I look at it, while it’s tough to change the world, we should make every attempt to change the world around us.
Frank,
As I was reading your post, I was thinking about how important it is to know you are doing the right thing even when nobody is watching you- and that’s how you ended your note.
It also makes me think of a poem- I think it is called, “The little eyes are watching you…”
If we all just remembered that everything we do has consequences…the world may be more like you envision it.
As usual, your thinking is spot on!
Thanks Jordan. It all sounds so simple. Maybe we just have to be reminded and then remind others. BTW, I Googled the poem. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Frank,
I echo what Kate was saying – that what your lay out for us is the possibility of returning to a time when respect and awareness of others in this world has significant meaning.
I like the logic and picture you paint for us with this post.
Shawn
Thanks Shawn. And, thanks for spreading the word on Twitter. I believe that raising awareness is a BIG first step in solving the issue.
Hi Frank,
There are never enough reminders that leadership is for every person to think about because there are leaders needed in every walk of life and in every circumstance. Many of us long for values such as respect and the joy of watching leaders behave as role models. Unfortunately many leaders fall from grace in this area. I try to remember, however, that there an awful lot of people who ARE true leaders and behave as such….they just don’t get noticed as much. We need to start raising our children to hold virtue close to their heart and live by it.
You’ve done a beautiful job of calling attention to the kinds of things that we may be tempted to tolerate, but shouldn’t because they’re unethical. Thanks for encouraging ethical behavior!
Linda
Frank,
So important! Responsibility and accountability.
I want to be part of the solution! I like to ask myself in certain situations “If everyone else in the world behaved as I am about to behave would the world be a better place?”
If I answer myself honestly, I usually get some clear direction.
Thanks Frank as always!
Terry / Linda Thanks for your comments.
I agree that it’s time to shine the spotlight on great role models. We should also start a conversation calling out “ethical derelicts.” The way that I see it, If we turn our back on crimes committed, we’re just as guilty as those who commit them.
Hi,
Love that poster. Came from Twitter. Do you want to do an interview with me on The Bold Life? Only requirement is linking to it and telling your readers about it the day I publish it. You have a great message.
Hi Frank, In the “Stop looking the other way” section you mentioned the value of one person standing alone in a crowd determined on another path. It reminded me of the jurors in the play, “Twelve Angry Men”, in which one juror through his determination to see true justice done turns the vote from 11 against and 1 for acquittal to 12 for acquittal. One of the filmmakers of the Oscar winning documentary on the 2008 financial crisis, “Inside Job”, commented that not one financial executive involved has gone to jail, “and that’s wrong.” It seems to me, Frank, that comment speaks to three of your points. Actions have consequences. We need to hold people accountable. Leaders must start leading, ethically.
Tess / Vi Thanks for your comments.
Vi, “Twelve Angry Men” is exactly on point (I wish I thought of that) It proves that everyone CAN make a difference. We just have to try 🙂
Why do so many have a tendency to look the other way when a “leader” does something unethical? I always had the sense that most just didn’t want be bothered or know the truth(i.e. the JP Morgan Chase and Madoff situation). Thanks for bringing this topic to light Frank. We need to refer more leaders to this blog!
Rossana Thanks for your comment. What do you think would happen if consumers stopped buying, voters turned their backs, shareholders voiced discontent, fans stopped attending? The answer is . . . things would change. As the old Chinese proverb said, “A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.”
Right on My Brother! Judging from the many supportive posts, there is comfort in knowing that there are many who share your perspectives. Because of your ability to crystalize a thought, you’ve convinced me that personal integrity can be a business core competency as well. You remind me of the Noncommissioned Officer Creed.
Hi Felix Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
I’ve learned over the years that there is a direct correlation between integrity and success. For people who live this way it sounds so simple, yet it continues to be a challenge to help others see the light. Thank you for helping to spread the word.
Just came across this great post. We as leaders need practice what we preach. Thanks Frank.
Agreed Sevket. It’s also important to speak out when other’s fail to live up to that promise.
Have a wonderful day!
Best,
Frank
Thanks for your blog. I like a title “Being a role model carries responsibility”, this is a true signal we send to others for accountably.
Hi AbdAllah
It’s so easy to forget that we serve as role models to the people around us. That’s why it’s important to live life in a way that makes us proud.
Have a great day!
Best,
Frank
This article is over 3 years old and yet it seems so appropriate at this very time. It always helps to check in on ones behaviors, actions and accountability. Thank you.
Hi Keith
It’s sad, but true. Unfortunately things aren’t going to change by themselves, we have to make it happen. Let’s begin today.
Have a wonderful day!
Frank
I agree with your points. But I wondered while reading this, how does one hold someone accountable when they are not a public figure? Sure it is easy to call people out when they are public people and operate in the public eye, but what of the people who hide behind a corporate shield? Or the people who simply refuse to respond when you desire to speak with them about how their behavior is affecting you or others?
Your question is a good one. The best way to answer it may be to provide you with two points that I often make: “If everyone swept in front of their own door, the world would be a cleaner place” and “While it’s tough to change the world, you can change the world around you.”
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Yes, more and more, Today is 2019 and in 2011 it was problem and today it is not better arguably worse. We need to all do our part and be part of the Solution!
You’re absolutely right, Ed.
Our world may have changed, but the importance of integrity has not.
There is power in numbers. One person can get things started; a second person can create some momentum; a third person may influence others to join in. And, before you know it, you’ve created a movement.
The world is changing every day. If enough people create a ripple for change, we can create a better future.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I’d love to know your opinion on whether you think lying and deceit is acceptable when people grow up poor. When does it stop being acceptable?