From Curiosity to Connection: The Art of Asking and Listening

Some people carry so much wisdom, I make it a point to listen every time they speak or write. Rodger Dean Duncan is one of them. It’s no surprise he has achieved phenomenal success as an international bestselling author, former senior Fortune 100 business executive, and member of two prior White House administrations. If you’ve ever wondered how he gains such insight, this guest post — From Curiosity to Connection: The Art of Asking and Listening — reveals his secret.

It’s important to note that I neither accepted nor received any compensation for publishing this blog post. My sole purpose for publishing this piece is to share a valuable resource with you.

–– Frank Sonnenberg

From Curiosity to Connection: The Art of Asking and Listening

As a young boy, I was curious about most everything around me. I peppered the adults in my life with a barrage of questions: Why won’t fish bite on dead minnows? How do you sharpen a saw? Why are cucumber seeds planted in mounds? What makes thunder and lightning? Is anyone older than God?

My early teachers, especially my grandfather, always had a patient answer — liberally seasoned with a heavy dose of common sense and sometimes a sprinkle of humor.

I carried that inquisitive nature through my school days and into my adulthood. It served me well as a young journalist when I interviewed interesting people like Lyndon Johnson, comedian Jack Benny, Baroness Maria von Trapp, cardiac surgery pioneer Michael DeBakey, historian Arnold Toynbee, pollster George Gallup, luxury retailer Stanley Marcus, anthropologist Margaret Mead, and super investor Warren Buffett. I traded jokes with artist/illustrator Norman Rockwell and discussed home carpentry with movie idol Robert Redford.

Of course, I’ve also talked with thousands of not-so-famous people. They’ve all had stories to tell and opinions to express. I’ve learned something every time.

Yes, I’ve learned to ask good questions. But more importantly, I’ve learned to listen. Really listen.

Whether we’re interviewing a famous person or chatting on the sidewalk with a neighbor, focused listening is among the most generous gifts we can give to other people — and to ourselves.

Here’s what focused listening does:

Builds stronger relationships. Shows respect and care, deepening personal and professional relationships.

Enhances understanding. Helps you fully grasp other people’s perspectives, reducing misunderstandings.

Improves problem–solving. Gathering all information leads to better, more informed decisions.

Boosts empathy. Truly hearing someone’s thoughts and feelings fosters empathy and compassion.

Encourages open communication. People feel safe and valued, making them more willing to share honestly.

Reduces conflicts. Helps prevent misinterpretations that can lead to arguments.

Builds trust. Demonstrates reliability and integrity.

Deepens learning. Absorbing information attentively improves knowledge and skills.

Increases patience. Listening encourages you to slow down and engage.

Strengthens memory. Helps you retain details and recall information better.

Boosts creativity. Exposure to diverse viewpoints sparks new ideas and innovation.

Cultivates humility. Recognizing others’ insights reminds you there’s always more to learn.

Just before he died, my longtime friend Stephen Covey (author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — widely regarded as the most influential personal development book of the 20^th century) was collaborating with his daughter on a book titled Live Life in Crescendo: Your Most Important Work Is Always Ahead of You.

I’ve taken that sentiment seriously. I could have comfortably “retired” decades ago. But I find great satisfaction in interacting with smart people. And listening.

Today, I write a Forbes column that reaches millions of readers. Most of my columns are based on my conversations with so-called “thought leaders.” They’ve earned that appellation because their views are taken to be authoritative and influential. They think big and they say things worth hearing. (I’ve interviewed Frank Sonnenberg multiple times.)

And in honor of Stephen Covey’s encouragement to “live life in crescendo,” on my 81^st birthday I launched my LeaderSHOP podcast. The conversations you’ll hear on my podcast are with some of the smartest people around. I appreciate their generosity in sharing their time as well as their opinions. Check it out. I believe you’ll agree it makes for good listening and good learning.

Without a good question, a good answer has no place to go. So, ask good questions. Then, as Frank Sonnenberg suggests, listen with your mouth closed.

Dr. Rodger Dean Duncan is the bestselling author of CHANGE-friendly LEADERSHIP and host of the LeaderSHOP podcast. Click here for a free copy of his book.