If you love the thrill of winning a bet, closing a deal, or crushing an opponent, I get it. But here’s the thing: Life isn’t always a competition. Sometimes that fighting spirit goes too far.
Some people don’t just need to be right — they need to rub it in. They don’t just want an apology — they want you to pay. And they don’t end a relationship — they want revenge. These people don’t just file for divorce — they wage war on their ex. They don’t just fire an employee — they blacklist them. And they don’t just want an apology — they want blood.
What are they trying to prove by crushing their opponent? Why add insult to injury when losing is hard enough?
If I didn’t know better, I’d think they savor it — plotting revenge, feeding their ego, and letting anger fuel their obsession to make someone pay. They don’t just want to win; they want to humiliate, dominate, and flaunt their power.
The real test of character is how you treat those who can’t fight back.
Winning Isn’t Enough…Some Want Blood
Sometimes people fixate on someone or something until it takes on a life of its own. Every time the story is recounted, it grows more distorted, fueling anger. Other times, it becomes a tit for tat that quickly spirals out of control. Before long, they’re so intent on winning that they act out of character — and even the strongest relationships can collapse in an instant.
When emotions take over, regret often follows. Here’s why…
When others witness your behavior, you risk losing both their respect and trust. Friends may wonder: If you treated someone you care about that way today, what’s to stop you from doing the same to me tomorrow? Colleagues may question why a once-respected employee was dismissed without care — fueling gossip, resentment, and fear it could happen to them. When you act out of character, you don’t just disappoint others, you disappoint yourself.
You have a lot to gain by stepping back and asking yourself whether this is the best way to handle things. The key is to pause, take a deep breath, gain perspective, and clarify what you want to achieve.
Here are 11 guidelines to give you better perspective:
- Talk it out instead of bottling it up.
- Ask a trusted friend to play devil’s advocate.
- Focus on the good, not just the bad.
- Aim for win-win, not victory at any cost.
- Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if the tables were turned?
- Act with reason, not raw emotion.
- Allow others to save face.
- End on good terms; don’t burn bridges.
- Show compassion, fairness, and respect.
- Put it behind you; don’t let yesterday control today.
- Do what’s right, not what’s easy — it will help you sleep at night.
Victory Today, Regret Tomorrow
Even when a person or situation leaves you angry, hurt, or resentful, don’t let emotions dictate your actions. Acting on impulse is like tossing a stone into a hornet’s nest — you’ll only get stung. And just as rash decisions can harm you, being consumed by winning can rob you of what truly matters most: your health, happiness, and inner peace.
Don’t win today if it means losing tomorrow. If you can’t do it for them, do it for yourself. Be the better person. Rise above the fray. Choose dignity over revenge. As Robert Brault, the author, said, “If you can’t forgive and forget, pick one.” When you act with fairness, compassion, and respect, you’re not just doing right by others — you’re preserving your honor and staying true to yourself. That’s a victory you can carry, long after the moment has passed. Are you obsessed with crushing your opponents?
How Do You Feel About Crushing Your Opponents?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Check out Frank’s latest book, Values to Live By: Know What Matters Most and Let It Be Your Guide
Additional Reading:
The Top 20 Reasons People Quarrel
Forgiveness: It’s Good for You
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Never Say “I’m Sorry” Unless You Mean It
How to Create a Win-Win Relationship
Have You Ever Been Betrayed?
Why Do You Trust Some People and Mistrust Others?
If you like this article, subscribe to our blog so that you don’t miss a single post. Get future posts by RSS feed, email or Facebook. It’s FREE.
Follow me:
Facebook
LinkedIn
X
Pinterest and
Instagram
This is an overall great article. However, this article describes others with a big ego etc. etc. usually these individuals have bigger behavioral problems even mental health diagnosis’. A normal person with a conscious perhaps can take your article to heart using reason as you share. But another who has no heart cannot. Please share that we are not all created the same and grow up with different environments and many other circumstances. We need to be reminded to learn ways to protect ourselves from such individuals, keep getting up every time we are being crushed because we are doing the right thing and do it over and over again. I am still surviving from a high conflict divorce and waiting for my children to all turn 18, but the damage is there and may not be able to be undone.
Hi Ann,
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share your perspective. I really appreciate your insight and the reminder that everyone is different, and that people come from a wide variety of circumstances. You’re absolutely right—some individuals have behavioral or mental health challenges that make it difficult for them to act with reason or conscience, but that doesn’t excuse harmful actions.
Your point about protecting ourselves and persisting in doing what’s right, even when facing unfairness or conflict, really resonates. I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you’ve faced in your divorce. It takes incredible strength and resilience to keep moving forward, and your dedication to your children is truly inspiring.
Thanks again for sharing your experience and wisdom — it’s an important perspective for all of us.
Best,
Frank
“Do what’s right, not what’s easy — it will help you sleep at night.”
There is nothing more satisfying than going to bed with a clear mind. I think it can be hardest to feel at ease with our decisions, but at the end of the day, when you are assured that you have done the right thing, even if it was not the shortest or cleanest path, you have given yourself and those involved the best possible outcome. However, I also recognize that some people do not lose sleep when they choose what is easy. What advice would you give to someone trying to get through to a peer or student who consistently chooses the easier path?
Hi Victoria
Thank you for such a thoughtful reflection.
You’re right — there’s a deep satisfaction that comes from knowing you honored your values, even when the road was longer or more complicated. A clear conscience is a quiet reward.
As for someone who consistently chooses the easier path, I believe people should face consequences for their actions. Some argue we should confront major offenses but let minor infractions slide. The problem with that thinking is that over time, we become desensitized to wrongdoing. When we close our eyes to misconduct, cover for others’ missteps, or defend actions because we have a vested interest in the outcome, we slowly lower the bar. What once felt unacceptable begins to feel normal.
Standards don’t erode overnight — they erode one exception at a time.
Accountability matters, even in small things. Especially in small things. That’s where habits are formed and character is shaped.
And, of course, it’s important to lead by example. Consistently choosing what’s right — not what’s easy — sets a standard others can see, even if they’re not ready to follow it yet.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank