20 Traps That Steal Your Joy

Would you rather be happy or unhappy? Sounds like a trick question, right? But if the answer is so obvious, why do people go out of their way to make themselves miserable? Why do they fill their heads with negative content, treat strangers better than themselves, and keep up with the Joneses rather than appreciating what they already have? Those are just a few common habits that quietly steal your joy.

If unhappiness burned calories, some of us would be supermodels.

Are You Trying to Make Yourself Unhappy?

Here are 20 common habits that quietly sabotage joy — and often go unnoticed.

Do you:

Tear yourself down? Are you your best cheerleader or your harshest critic?

Exaggerate problems? Do you blow problems out of proportion or take them in stride?

Take everything personally? Do you see feedback as constructive or as criticism?

Focus on things beyond your control? Do you worry about things you can’t change?

Compare yourself to others? Do you keep up with the Joneses or appreciate what you have?

Hold contempt in your heart? Are you cynical, jealous, or bitter toward others?

Seek external validation? Would you rather be popular or proud of yourself?

Consume negative content? Do you feed on hostile and dark content?

Demand perfection from yourself? Do you beat yourself up for falling short of perfection — making excellence feel inadequate?

See the worst in every situation? Do you see clouds on a sunny day?

Surround yourself with negative people? Do you spend more time with those who lift you up or drag you down?

Set unattainable goals? Do you set challenging, achievable goals or impossible ones?

Lose sight of what truly matters? Do you focus on priorities or let yourself get distracted?

Take things for granted? Do you recognize your blessings or fail to appreciate them?

Refuse to take control of your life? Do you take charge or blame the world for your circumstances?

Try to change others? Do you accept people as they are or pressure them to conform to your values?

Fail to celebrate success? Do you savor your achievements or rush to the next challenge?

Focus on things rather than relationships? Do you collect stuff or memories that last?

Chase money instead of purpose? Do you focus on making money or making a difference?

Dwell on problems? Do you complain about what’s wrong or take action to fix things?

Some measure life in moments; unhappy people measure it in complaints.

Why Make It Hard on Yourself?

Of course, we all slip into unproductive behaviors now and then — no one’s perfect — but frequency and intensity make all the difference. A rare misstep is very different from a constant pattern.

If you have long-standing habits, you may not realize the headwinds you’re creating. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change. Identify which items apply to you and how often they show up. Each time you tell yourself, “Not this time,” you move closer to more joy in your life. Change won’t happen overnight — after all, these habits are deeply ingrained — but as the Tanzanian proverb says, “Little by little, a little becomes a lot.”

Happiness isn’t something that just happens to you — it’s something you choose. Every time you rise above negativity, let go of things that drag you down, or decide to see the good instead of the bad, you’re steering your life in a positive direction. Change begins the instant you decide that your mindset, not your circumstances, will define your happiness. Happiness is a choice — and it starts with you.

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